Journey of focus

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us and we beheld His glory, the glory of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth. …. and of His fullness we have all received, and grace for grace. For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.  John 1: 14, 16-17

I don’t call them signs, I call them confirmations. Those things that seem to press on your heart and mind and sometimes you don’t have the clear picture, but it’s something…

For  a while now, a month or so, I have felt the Holy Spirit pressing on my heart something and at first I just kept asking, “what is it Lord? what are You trying to tell me?” After a few days or a week, I chose to simply wait…I continued my prayers and life, still wondering but choosing to trust that He would show me in His own time. A lot happened this last month, or it felt like a lot to me. My already topsy turvy life had yet another leaf thrown on the ground in front of me (“A Bug’s Life” reference there… watch the movie 😉 ) when my husband was admitted into the hospital 150 miles from our home. He’s ok now, or at least improving every day, but that 2 weeks smack in the middle of Christmas shopping time, 150 miles from home where the pets were (being taken care of, yet I worry), already challenged with pain control and sensory overload issues, here I was sleeping on a rock solid sofa in my man’s hospital room. The experience forced me to do what we should all do daily, even moment by moment, and that is to lay it all at the foot of the cross and leave it there. While for the most part I can say I left it there, I admit that somehow, even when I didn’t realize it, I snuck back and took back the worry and feeling of being a slacker…. in my mind, I should be home taking care of the dogs and house and helping with grandkids, and be at the hospital with my husband so I can help the nursing staff and hubby with whatever needed done as well as understand what he was going through, and get all the shopping done and planning for Christmas dinner (that we were hosting), and make phone calls and send texts to EVERYONE that was concerned for my hubby’s health, and, and, and…

Yesterday was new years eve and the pressing was stronger but not yet revealed. Last night, we went to one of our daughter and son-in-law’s house for a small gathering they held. As we were leaving, she gave everyone tiny little chalkboard signs and said, “we don’t do resolutions, but maybe a Word”. I felt something build in me. I wondered, was it a Word God was wanting me to have? We came home and watched TV with my parents until midnight (that was a CHALLENGE). While watching TV, I multitasked.. research food that the hubby can eat, Facebook, pictures of the dogs, lol…this is my brain-organized chaos.. sorta. Also I kept thinking that I could figure out on my own what He was telling me…I really thought it had to be Afresh or Anew because I’ve been studying and being lead in that direction.  Anyway, the whole time, my thoughts kept being interrupted by the Holy Spirit. I knew it was Him, it was like He was placing His hand on my shoulder ever so gently and saying, “sshhh” “listen”. At midnight, we all said happy new year and went to bed. As I was praying and listening, there it was! Like and dirty hazy window was suddenly so clean you couldn’t tell it was there.

GRACE. I felt so pleased in that moment and thankful. Yet I asked, “Lord, don’t I show grace? Am I not doing enough? Do I need to be more diligent in showing grace to people?” There I was again, panicking and thinking I have to work harder, and do more, I blew it, I was a horrible person, I didn’t know anything because I thought I had been doing right but now God’s showing me I was doing wrong. And then he told me to accept His grace.

Hebrews 13:25 (NKJV) Grace be with you all. Amen. You see, the Word God gave me for this year (and always) isn’t just to be applied to others, but also to myself. I decided to share this because I believe it’s important for all of us to know that we are also God’s children, not just other people. I think sometimes we get stuck in a mindset (I know I do) that everything we do for God’s kingdom is for others. We must forgive ..true. We must show mercy…true. We must serve…true. We must share the good news of the gospel with others… true. We must show GRACE…true. We must also accept that we receive  the same grace from God as everyone else. All means all and that includes me (all of us).

He also reminded me that I am not a horrible person. I am not doing wrong, no matter what people may sometimes say, listen to HIM and not the world. I don’t need to try harder or do more, just try and do. If I allow Him to lead me, then what I try and what I do will be exactly the right amount.

Have a wonderful, God filled New Year!! and remember to accept His grace.

II Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Romans 6:14 (NKJV)
For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

Romans 11:6 (NKJV)
And if by grace, then it is no longer of works; otherwise grace is no longer grace. But if it is of works, it is no longer grace; otherwise work is no longer work.